Reflexive Verbs in Spanish Explained: Why Se Usually Isn't Reflexive at All
Me voy, se me ha caído, se alquila, me comí la tortilla entera: the five uses of se you hear every day in Spain, and why only some of them are about doing something to yourself.
A Saturday at the counter of a bar in Ruzafa. You reach for your caña (a small draft beer), your elbow catches the glass, and it ends up on the floor in pieces. You start apologizing with perdón, he roto el vaso (sorry, I broke the glass). The waiter is already there with a broom. Tranquilo, hombre, se le cae a cualquiera. Relax, man, happens to everyone. Your sentence was fine, but it put all the blame on you. Most people at that counter would have said se me ha caído el vaso, roughly "the glass got away from me", and let the glass take half of it.
In most of the sentences you hear in Spain, that se has nothing to do with doing something to yourself. Textbooks introduce it with me ducho (I take a shower) and me lavo los dientes (I brush my teeth), and then leave you alone with me voy (I'm off), se me ha olvidado (I forgot) and the orange Se alquila (for rent) sign on a balcony. These are different uses of the same little word, and one idea doesn't cover all of them.
What se is doing in the bar
Take the waiter's sentence apart. Nobody broke anything on purpose. The glass fell, cualquiera (anyone) is the person it happens to, and le points at that person. Put it next to me ducho, where the action comes back to the one doing it, and the Se alquila sign, where whoever is renting isn't named, and you can see what three of the five uses rest on: the action isn't aimed at anyone outside, or the doer doesn't matter.
The five uses of se you will hear this week
1. The real reflexive. Me ducho por la noche (I shower at night), se está vistiendo (she's getting dressed), ¿os laváis las manos? (are you washing your hands?, said to a pair of kids in Spain, where vosotros is everyday speech, except in the Canary Islands and western Andalusia, which use ustedes). With body parts Spanish uses the article rather than a possessive, a habit we go through in the guide to Spanish possessives. Add "each other" and you get nos vemos el jueves (see you Thursday).
2. Verbs that mean something else with se. This is the group learners trip over, because the verb without se also exists and means a different thing. These don't follow that idea, so learn them in pairs.
| Without se | With se |
|---|---|
| ir — to go (somewhere) | irse — to leave |
| dormir — to sleep | dormirse — to fall asleep |
| quedar — to arrange to meet | quedarse — to stay |
| llevar — to carry, to wear | llevarse — to take away; llevarse bien — to get along |
| acordar — to agree on | acordarse de — to remember |
| poner — to put | ponerse — to put on; to become (ponerse nervioso, to get nervous) |
| parar — to stop something (para el coche, stop the car); to stop (el autobús para aquí) | pararse — to stop by itself (el reloj se paró, the clock stopped); in Latin America also: to stand up |
On its own, voy sounds unfinished to a Spaniard unless you're answering someone who called you (¡ya voy!, coming!). Voy a Correos (I'm going to the post office) is fine. When you're walking out of a dinner, it's bueno, me voy. Quedar works the same way. He quedado con Marta is a plan with Marta, me quedo en casa is staying in, and there's a whole piece on quedamos and making friends in Spain if that pair still trips you up.
A handful of verbs never appear without se at all, and you learn them with it attached: quejarse (to complain), arrepentirse (to regret), atreverse (to dare), jactarse (to brag). The first one you'll need in a shop that overcharged you, as in quiero quejarme (I want to complain), and the official form every business in Spain has to give you on request is the hoja de reclamaciones (complaint form).
3. The accidental se. Back to the bar. In se me ha caído el vaso the glass is the grammatical subject, me names the person it happened to, and the verb agrees with the thing, so several keys give se me han caído las llaves (I've dropped my keys). This is how Spanish talks about small mishaps. You're at the Mercadona checkout, the groceries are already bagged, the queue behind you is growing, and your card is on the kitchen table at home. The line you need is perdona, se me ha olvidado la tarjeta (sorry, I've forgotten my card). On an EMT bus that sailed past your stop, it's se nos ha pasado la parada, and for a friend's phone face down on the pavement, se le ha roto el móvil.
Notice the ha. In most of Spain, for something that happened today, people use the pretérito perfecto (se me ha caído). In the Canary Islands, in Galicia and Asturias, and in most of Latin America you'll hear se me cayó for the same moment. Both are correct. In Valencia or Madrid you'll hear the first.
4. The "eat it all" se. This one is its own small rule. El domingo comí paella is a fact about Sunday lunch. El domingo me comí la paella entera means the whole pan was gone. With comer, beber, leer or ver, se adds a finished, counted amount, so it needs an object with edges: me bebí dos cañas (I drank two beers), me leí el contrato entero (I read the whole contract), me vi la serie entera en un fin de semana (I binged the whole series in a weekend). Plain bebo agua stays without se.
5. The se with no person at all. Half the balconies in Ruzafa have a Se alquila or Se vende (for sale) sign, often next to the Valencian Es lloga and Es ven. In bar windows you'll see Se busca camarero (waiter wanted), and at shop registers No se admiten devoluciones (no returns). When the thing is plural, the verb goes plural too, as in se venden pisos (apartments for sale) and se alquilan habitaciones (rooms for rent). Standard Spanish, as the Real Academia describes it, wants the plural here. Se vende pisos is a slip, even if you'll see it hand-written on more than one sign. Aquí se come bien (the food here is good) is a different case: there's no noun to agree with, so the verb stays singular.
One se has nothing to do with any of these. In se lo doy (I give it to him) it simply replaces le before lo. That one lives in our guide to object pronouns.
Where se goes in the sentence
The pronoun sits before a conjugated verb or attaches to the end of an infinitive or a gerund. Me tengo que ir and tengo que irme (I have to go) are both correct, as are se está duchando and está duchándose (he's in the shower). In a positive command it has to be glued on, which is why the doctor at your centro de salud (health center) says siéntate (sit down). With nosotros the final -s drops before nos, so vamos + nos gives ¡vámonos! (let's go), the line that ends most evenings out. With vosotros the -d drops before os (the one standard exception is ¡idos!, from irse). A teacher in Spain tells the class ¡sentaos! and ¡callaos! (sit down, be quiet), and in a schoolyard you'll also hear ¡sentaros!, which the norm doesn't accept. In negative commands the pronoun moves back in front, as in no te vayas (don't go) and no te preocupes (don't worry).
The traps that give learners away
Dropping se where it changes the meaning. Duermo ocho horas (I sleep eight hours) is about sleeping. Me duermo en clase (I fall asleep in class) is what happens at a four o'clock class at the EOI, the state language school, after a three-course menú del día. Acordamos la fecha is agreeing on a date. Remembering it is me acuerdo de la fecha.
Making yourself the subject of an accident. You tell a neighbor me he caído las llaves, and she checks whether you're hurt. Me he caído means you fell over. Keys that fall are se me han caído las llaves.
Adding the possessive. At the triage desk in Urgencias (the emergency room), me he roto mi brazo sounds foreign. Me he roto el brazo is enough, because me already says whose arm.
Párate in Spain. Picture a Colombian mother in the Turia gardens telling her son ¡párate!, and him getting up off the grass. To a Spaniard sitting nearby, she just told him to stop. In Spain pararse means to come to a halt, and a child told to get up hears ¡levántate! In Mexico, Colombia and much of Latin America pararse means to stand up, a use the Real Academia's dictionaries mark as American. If your Spanish came from Latin American material, this is one to relearn for Spain.
Short version for the next time you hesitate. Dropped, forgot or broke something? Start with se me. Leaving? Me voy. Writing a sign with no person in it? Se plus a verb that agrees with the thing. Everything in the table, learn in pairs.
Check yourself: se or no se?
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What is a reflexive verb in Spanish?
In the strict sense, a verb whose action comes back to the subject: me ducho (I shower), se viste (she gets dressed), nos levantamos (we get up). The pronoun matches the person: me, te, se, nos, os, se. But most verbs that textbooks list as reflexive aren't about doing something to yourself: irse, dormirse, quedarse or acordarse simply mean something different from the verb without se.
What is the difference between ir and irse in Spanish?
Ir means to go somewhere and normally needs a destination: voy a casa (I'm going home), voy al médico (I'm going to the doctor). Irse means to leave the place you are in, as in me voy (I'm off), se fue sin pagar (he left without paying) or ¡vámonos! (let's go). Saying just voy when you leave a dinner sounds cut off; the exception is ¡ya voy! (coming!), when someone calls you.
What does se me ha caído mean, and how do you say I dropped it in Spanish?
It means "it fell, and it happened to me", which is how Spanish says I dropped it when it was an accident. The thing is the subject and the verb agrees with it: se me ha caído el móvil (I've dropped my phone), se me han caído las llaves (I've dropped my keys). In most of Spain this perfect form is used for anything that happened today; in the Canary Islands, Galicia, Asturias and Latin America you'll hear se me cayó for the same moment.
Is it se vende pisos or se venden pisos?
Se venden pisos. With this se the noun is the grammatical subject, so the verb agrees with it: se vende piso, se venden pisos, se alquila habitación, se alquilan habitaciones. The singular with a plural noun shows up on hand-written signs, but it isn't standard Spanish. Sentences with no noun, like aquí se come bien (the food here is good), always stay singular.
Does pararse mean to stand up in Spain?
No. In Spain pararse means to come to a halt, as in el autobús se paró en medio de la calle (the bus stopped in the middle of the street). To stand up is levantarse or ponerse de pie. Using pararse for standing up is Latin American, common in Mexico and Colombia, so a Spaniard may hear ¡párate! as "stop!".
Is it me tengo que ir or tengo que irme?
Both are correct and mean the same. The pronoun goes either before the conjugated verb (me tengo que ir, se está duchando) or attached to the infinitive or gerund (tengo que irme, está duchándose). In positive commands it must be attached (siéntate, vámonos, and with vosotros sentaos), in negative ones it goes in front (no te vayas).
Next time the glass slips, let se me ha caído come out first.
How2Spanish trains me voy, se me ha olvidado and se alquilan inside the sentences you need at the bar and at the checkout, so the right one is out of your mouth before the glass hits the floor.
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